:-( Sob!

I have always been intrigued by the entire concept of shedding tears [Crying!! In general lingo]. What triggers those glands which are hidden somewhere behind our vision. [I donno where the tear glands are located exactly I am assuming it’s behind]. There is this particular Malayalam movie; I burst out crying every time I watch [Ente Veedu Apponteyum for my mallu readers information]. I am not among those people who carry a hankie for every other tear jerker movie. But some particular feeling in the movie breaks me down. The interesting part being that in spite of having the fear of the mascara* getting smeared over and me looking ugly, I never miss a chance to watch it. And the movie remains one of my all time favorites. So I figured out maybe I enjoy crying. Things were pretty different when I was younger. As a kid I made sure I never shed a tear in public [ By kid I mean when I was in school, I would/should have cried when I was a new born]. I remember once my headmistress asked me to meet her in her office [SCARY!!] for not wishing her in the hallway of the school. With my superb academic performance and the lineage the Ullas family had created [Thanks to my brother and his consistent top scores] there wasn’t much she could do, other than say some indirect statements to hurt me. Most of them were hinted at my supposed arrogance. [ I was just a ten year old kid shy to say Good Morning]. I don’t remember how I felt when she scolded me. But before she let me go she said “Not a single tear in your eye. Shows how you don’t repent what you did and shows your arrogance.” Maybe it is this particular incident that triggered the concept in me that crying is a good thing. Or it might as well be the plain old reason, MEN!! Whatever it be, my eyes started welling up pretty fast from the time I turned thirteen. In my present life scenario I have categorized crying to be of three degrees 1) Bursting out crying. Wailing. You have no control over it. It just explodes. Pretty ugly sight. Either make sure you are inside the rest room or just lock the door of which ever room you happen to get yourself into. 2) Tears flowing down your cheek. I personally feel I look pretty when this happens. My eyes are glazed and I even managed to look into the mirror once . Couldn’t take a picture as my camera was being used as a tear jerker mobile at that point in time 3) The times where you would have managed without wasting the water resource, until a well wisher pats your shoulder and asks if you are alright. And the water works begin. This usually will happen in a public arena. So just bend down and cover your face. You should be fine within five minutes, but you would have made a total ass of yourself by then. Now into the second level of analysis what makes us cry? I dono about the entire world, I will talk about what makes the most familiar person to me cry. And that would be me. [I feel like I am writing down the advantages of RAID 0/1 over RAID 1/0. Studying does affect the human psyche, especially when done once in two years] Burst out crying with examples: 1) When the parent of a hospitalised friend of mine, indirectly expressed his dislike in me frequently visiting. I walked out of the room ,ran downstairs, rang up my roomie and cried all the way back home. People on the hospital premises were definite, my other half has been diagnosed with AIDS a few minutes back. Underlying emotion- INSULT. 2) When after a sparkling performance in the GD (Group discussion) and Tech round. Being rejected in the Polaris HR round for having said the word gullible (that’s the reason my classmates figured out). Cried out loud to my brother in Chennai who realized at that moment that he has a career crazy sister. Underlying emotion: INSULT again. Also the feeling that I may never get a job in my life. [I got through to my present company the very next day with God’s Grace] Tears flowing down with examples 1) Every time anyone who has hurt me apologizes. Especially when they are late apologies [way after I am over the pain]. The effect is quadrupled if the person apologizing happens to be in a drunken stupor. Underlying emotion: SELF-PITY 2) When my best friend got transferred to Bangalore while I was still in Chennai. The thought that I won’t be able to steal his orange juice in the morning filled my eyes continuously for four days. I was relocated to the same project and place after four days. Underlying emotion:DONNO. Cry following the pat on the shoulder with examples 1) Total mushy stuff. I dare not include. After all this research there is something that i havent been able to analyze yet. The big macho men shedding tears. I have seen only two men cry in the long twenty four years of my life[Yes, I am 24]. I particularly remember not enjoying the sight . Thankfully both were close family members that their apparent ugliness didn’t offend me much. In spite of totally believing in the equality of sexes, I still can’t accept a man crying. Why is it so? When is the last time you cried? *mascara- I dont wear make-up. Couldnt find anything else to create the effect.