In a conscious effort to get over an idle/evil hiatus, I have decided to write down the 50 things I am grateful for in life
When its 50 you really need to dig deep to get there, so there are quite a few, which might be, too obvious.
But the obvious things we take for granted are the exact ones, we need to be grateful for ( I guess.)
Counting my blessings (Masha Allah*)
1. I have never had a dearth of money, or clothes or food. In fact I had lots of it, always
2. I have a complete family. Father, mother and an elder brother. Ideal, normal and complete
3. I had a great scar-free childhood, which was as perfect as it could get in the real world
4. I was born an intelligent child, who was disciplined and focused by the time I was 4 years old (Don’t ask me how)
5. I was born in a safe, peaceful , democratic country and still live in one.
6. I am 100% healthy.
7. I have great hair
8. I am in the ideal weight/height range, which is something people around me are killing themselves to achieve
9. I am educated and had all the facilities to get educated
10. I was not discriminated against because I was a girl child. I was given every single comfort my brother was provided, sometimes even more
11. I was graciously saved from all my foolish mistakes
12. I have had the privilege to have great friends in my life, who have turned my life around.
13. I didn’t have to spend a single day in my graduate life, hunting for a job
14. I had the privilege to work with great MNC’s.
15. I am an Engineer , in the IT era
16. My father was an Engineer in an era when it was a rarity, which made sure, I had the point Number 1
17. My father encouraged me to read/write at a young age
18. I am very inclined to stay fit & healthy
19. I was not married off at 12
20. My mother was always there when I got home
21. I was not compelled to do/wear anything against my wishes
22.My mother deep rooted spirituality into my life as against religion
23. I was bought up in a Muslim country, which gave me a clear idea about the real Islam
24. I am a non vegetarian, blessed to be able to eat meat, guilt free
25. I had the privilege to learn Reiki
26. I had the privilege to learn Yoga
27. I am blessed with moderate writing skills
28. I am blessed to be a great support for people in distress
29. My brother is a kind non interfering soul
30. My brother drove me to all my tuition, thus making sure I never had to use a crowded public transport
31. I have unlimited internet access, which is the ultimate resource for knowledge
32. I had a great roommate for four years, who was adjusting and like minded
33. I live in the 21st century
34. I am talkative, which is a good thing at times
35. I was born with a very VERY liberal outlook on life, which helps me be tolerant
36. I am blessed to be able to pay all my bills online at the comfort of my office
37. I am blessed to have had my Engineering college at a 2 min walk from my home
38. I am blessed to have a healthy family
39. I am blessed to have great books chose me as their reader
40. I speak good English
41. I work in the Storage Domain, which seems to be a good place to be
42. I have free transport to/from work
43. I work with a great, cooperative and talented team
44. I have not had any excessive stress at work or in my personal life
45. I have not had to make a fake document ever to get a job
46. Out of the 100 impulsive decisions I make,85 turn out to be great
47. I get to watch all the movies I want to. Most of them first day first show
48. My company has given me a laptop to work, which I love
49. I am blessed to be generous with money
50. I am happy
Friday, June 10, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Caught in Traffic- Continued
This blog is due to the very thought provoking comments I got on my last blog.
Thank you guys, I have an intelligent and socially aware family and friends.
So before you read this, please read this and also the comments section
As a reply to all the comments:
I second the inclusion of a column in the genders section. An M and F and an others, which I did actually find in some form I filled recently, but positively donot remember which one.
An inclusion of a rest room, atleast in MNC's and other urban buildings. If not in all floors of a building, atleast in some
About their inclusion in panchayats/being a talk show host and such extremely rare sucess stories.
How many of us, are David Beckham? None. There maybe those rare sparks of jewels in any clan, who have the grit, determination and resolve to beat the society and its norms. But she is just the David Beckham of their clan. What about the normal average people among them? People like you and me.
We goto school --> write the medical/engineering entrance --> Join an engineering college -->Give a try at the MBA entrance --> Get recruited into a company -->Get married by 24/27--> Have kids
(Not necessarily in that order) Most of this we do, because society expects us to.
Transgender is like a weight gain gone very very bad, or like extreme hair loss. It affects their confidence, sense of worth, and self esteem at all levels.
Most of us are people who didnt have the guts to pursue anything else other than engineering. Who are scared to apply lipstick,(if we didnt before) or even get a stylish haircut. All cause we are scared what people around us will say or "think" about us. We do as the society does, as society accepts.
For trangenders the norm is
Goto school --> Start showing strange physical symptoms -->Thrown out of their homes--> Accepted into their pseudo trangender family--> Most of them are into begging and/or prostitution-->Become either or both
What I expect Governments to do is to change this flow of events. From the root level like Ansikka has mentioned.
Goto school -->Start showing strange physical symptoms -->Send to special schools/continue education due to the very strict indiscrimination rules present in the country--> Go to college( engineering or otherwise)-->Get a job( with or without the MBA entrance) ---> Have a medical insurance which covers trangender operation if they chose to have one --> Have a life.
The rules which a Government can bring, is the root level change. It would be just like the helmet-compulsory rule for bike riders. We loathe it, but we still do it, and after a little resistance which any change brings, WE GET USED TO IT!
About the numbers of eunuchs being very very low, there maybe just be one of them or two of them. But they are still present, and very much in need of equal rights. The begging rackets are much more prevalant in metros, probably the reason,why it isnt prevalant in Kerala.
I think Kerala will catch up soon, After all , some of the top notch begging rackets are headed by malayalees. [ How do I even know this? ]
Fighting back or defying the society is too tough, like all of us, these are normal people,who prefer to take the easy way out. What I have been trying to tell is to make their easy way out, a normal one.
Thank you guys, I have an intelligent and socially aware family and friends.
So before you read this, please read this and also the comments section
As a reply to all the comments:
I second the inclusion of a column in the genders section. An M and F and an others, which I did actually find in some form I filled recently, but positively donot remember which one.
An inclusion of a rest room, atleast in MNC's and other urban buildings. If not in all floors of a building, atleast in some
About their inclusion in panchayats/being a talk show host and such extremely rare sucess stories.
How many of us, are David Beckham? None. There maybe those rare sparks of jewels in any clan, who have the grit, determination and resolve to beat the society and its norms. But she is just the David Beckham of their clan. What about the normal average people among them? People like you and me.
We goto school --> write the medical/engineering entrance --> Join an engineering college -->Give a try at the MBA entrance --> Get recruited into a company -->Get married by 24/27--> Have kids
(Not necessarily in that order) Most of this we do, because society expects us to.
Transgender is like a weight gain gone very very bad, or like extreme hair loss. It affects their confidence, sense of worth, and self esteem at all levels.
Most of us are people who didnt have the guts to pursue anything else other than engineering. Who are scared to apply lipstick,(if we didnt before) or even get a stylish haircut. All cause we are scared what people around us will say or "think" about us. We do as the society does, as society accepts.
For trangenders the norm is
Goto school --> Start showing strange physical symptoms -->Thrown out of their homes--> Accepted into their pseudo trangender family--> Most of them are into begging and/or prostitution-->Become either or both
What I expect Governments to do is to change this flow of events. From the root level like Ansikka has mentioned.
Goto school -->Start showing strange physical symptoms -->Send to special schools/continue education due to the very strict indiscrimination rules present in the country--> Go to college( engineering or otherwise)-->Get a job( with or without the MBA entrance) ---> Have a medical insurance which covers trangender operation if they chose to have one --> Have a life.
The rules which a Government can bring, is the root level change. It would be just like the helmet-compulsory rule for bike riders. We loathe it, but we still do it, and after a little resistance which any change brings, WE GET USED TO IT!
About the numbers of eunuchs being very very low, there maybe just be one of them or two of them. But they are still present, and very much in need of equal rights. The begging rackets are much more prevalant in metros, probably the reason,why it isnt prevalant in Kerala.
I think Kerala will catch up soon, After all , some of the top notch begging rackets are headed by malayalees. [ How do I even know this? ]
Fighting back or defying the society is too tough, like all of us, these are normal people,who prefer to take the easy way out. What I have been trying to tell is to make their easy way out, a normal one.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Caught in Traffic
Disclaimer: I am not a social worker, not even close. I maybe a dormant philanthropist, but that’s about it
Yet there are ideas I completely believe in.
Equality, Indiscrimination and the Singular Power of Education
On my way to work, few are the days, when me or anyone of my unfortunate colleagues, do not get thoroughly walked all over by an eunuch beggar. While they curse, abuse, harass, push, pull all over our early morning freshness, most of us, are willing to pay them anything, to avoid public humiliation.
This is the very reason eunuchs (or men dressed as one) have single handedly conquered the traffic stops in Bangalore.
Their overt sexuality, uninhibiting ways and harassing persuasion definitely gains an upper hand over sympathy which a blind or physically handicapped can ever generate
I however, have recently overcome the discomfort they put me in, and have decided not to bend down to their harassment ,public humiliation or otherwise.
They seem healthy enough to earn their own living.
Or Are they?
Why is that I have never met a eunuch in person in my day to day life. Not in school, not in college, not at work. Not even as a domestic help ( I think they would make great ones, if given the chance) .
So does it mean that we as a society have refused to give them any place other the streets?
Does being born with a confused sexuality lead them to a life of begging or prostitution? Or is it that they chose the easy way around. Most of them are towering and seemingly healthy people, with intelligent tricks up their sleeve. While I see blind, deaf and physically handicapped people working in my office or leading seemingly normal lives, why cant they?
I am sure, their mental stamina,capabilities or talent are not affected by any physical deformity. Has our society shunned these unfortunate people?
Is there anything we can do to rehabilitate them in the society? I agree begging is easy money, but is it?
If they have the means for education and can be accepted in spite of their seemingly incoherent voice and looks, cant they function as normal individuals?
Even though it’s been 50 years since independence, our “reservations” are still highly caste based, which as I see is non existent. Can we by any chance, get a reservation in place for eunuchs, not just for public office, but essentially for education ?
The Govt or the NGO’s can do what they have to, but the core change to be bought is in the mindset of the common man. How many of us can be liberal enough to actually tolerate a queer person in our immediate neighborhood?
Me thinks, this is what needs to be done
1. Humans are adaptive! Period. In the same way we get used to a blind colleague or a wheel chair clad neighbor, we will get used to eunuchs. Seeing them every morning should have already tuned our minds
2. Reservation of atleast one or two seats for them in colleges and schools
3. If required special schools in place for people identified as eunuchs
4. Once educated they shouldn’t be discriminated or favored for employment
5. Programs of self sufficiency
There is no word of caution for a distraught family who cannot accept their child as imperfect. There might be families who disown their children, once they are recognized to be queer. But if the families chose to disown them, at least they should have a safe cultured society to accept them.
With their undiverted energy,they can sure become an intelligent workforce for any country instead of wasting away on streets. And what do we get in return?
Peaceful travel to our workplace and fresher mornings.
Yet there are ideas I completely believe in.
Equality, Indiscrimination and the Singular Power of Education
On my way to work, few are the days, when me or anyone of my unfortunate colleagues, do not get thoroughly walked all over by an eunuch beggar. While they curse, abuse, harass, push, pull all over our early morning freshness, most of us, are willing to pay them anything, to avoid public humiliation.
This is the very reason eunuchs (or men dressed as one) have single handedly conquered the traffic stops in Bangalore.
Their overt sexuality, uninhibiting ways and harassing persuasion definitely gains an upper hand over sympathy which a blind or physically handicapped can ever generate
I however, have recently overcome the discomfort they put me in, and have decided not to bend down to their harassment ,public humiliation or otherwise.
They seem healthy enough to earn their own living.
Or Are they?
Why is that I have never met a eunuch in person in my day to day life. Not in school, not in college, not at work. Not even as a domestic help ( I think they would make great ones, if given the chance) .
So does it mean that we as a society have refused to give them any place other the streets?
Does being born with a confused sexuality lead them to a life of begging or prostitution? Or is it that they chose the easy way around. Most of them are towering and seemingly healthy people, with intelligent tricks up their sleeve. While I see blind, deaf and physically handicapped people working in my office or leading seemingly normal lives, why cant they?
I am sure, their mental stamina,capabilities or talent are not affected by any physical deformity. Has our society shunned these unfortunate people?
Is there anything we can do to rehabilitate them in the society? I agree begging is easy money, but is it?
If they have the means for education and can be accepted in spite of their seemingly incoherent voice and looks, cant they function as normal individuals?
Even though it’s been 50 years since independence, our “reservations” are still highly caste based, which as I see is non existent. Can we by any chance, get a reservation in place for eunuchs, not just for public office, but essentially for education ?
The Govt or the NGO’s can do what they have to, but the core change to be bought is in the mindset of the common man. How many of us can be liberal enough to actually tolerate a queer person in our immediate neighborhood?
Me thinks, this is what needs to be done
1. Humans are adaptive! Period. In the same way we get used to a blind colleague or a wheel chair clad neighbor, we will get used to eunuchs. Seeing them every morning should have already tuned our minds
2. Reservation of atleast one or two seats for them in colleges and schools
3. If required special schools in place for people identified as eunuchs
4. Once educated they shouldn’t be discriminated or favored for employment
5. Programs of self sufficiency
There is no word of caution for a distraught family who cannot accept their child as imperfect. There might be families who disown their children, once they are recognized to be queer. But if the families chose to disown them, at least they should have a safe cultured society to accept them.
With their undiverted energy,they can sure become an intelligent workforce for any country instead of wasting away on streets. And what do we get in return?
Peaceful travel to our workplace and fresher mornings.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Blog-A-Time-Machine
This novel blogging tag originally came from Emily Barton and to me through the ever innovative Sweta.
It’s basically an imaginary time travel and what I would do if I meet a younger me.
Rules:
1. Depending on your age, go back 10, 15, 20, or even more years.
2. Tell us how many years back you have traveled.
3. Pretend you have met yourself during that era, and tell us where you are.
4. You only have one "date" with this former self.
5. Answer the questions.
I have decided to go back to my 12th std. Thank Goodness I only have one date, and do not have to live through all of it again!
She is confused and is not in very good company. Has serious self esteem issues and is being pushed all over by her new girlfriend. Moreover the once brilliant girl, has lost her grip, and is completely unable to focus on any strategy to crack her entrance exams. Messy! Phew!
1. Would your younger self recognize you when you first meet?
She might freak out and probably have a heartattack, but yes she would .
2. Would she be surprised to discover what you are doing job wise?
Very much. She doesn’t think that much about her future outside of Kerala, doesn’t even know glam jobs like mine exist. She would be very glad and surprised.
3. What piece of fashion advice would you give her?
The fashion disaster that she was!
That shampoo DOESN'T ruin your hair all that much. So please use one.
That people will get used to any change of looks she undergoes, so be experimental.Get that haircut she always wanted.
That cotton is classy
But then again most of such decisions are not really upto her at that time.
4. What do you think she is most going to want to know?
Her entrance results.
5. How would you answer her question?
That just cause it was predicted by some random person, she is not going to become a doctor.
I will definitely share the strategy to crack the entrance exam. I am not sure if she will be able to decipher it, though.
6. What would probably be the best thing to tell her?
That her complexion/skin will become way much better.
That she will not always remain the ugly duckling or the second fiddle.
That our mother will trust her soon.
That she should expect wonderful things in her life, and not just worry about the worst outcome.
7. What is something that you probably wouldn't tell her?
Nothing actually. Anything she might know about her future will cheer her up.
8. What do you think will most surprise her about you?
That I have a good dressing sense and know to use an eyeliner.
That I get along with our mother.
That I am confident speaking to the opposite gender.
That I speak good English.
That I stay in a very unflattering room and have been staying there for four years.
That I stay alone, and have no qualms eating,shopping or even watching a movie alone
That I actually shop for home wear.
8. What do you think will least surprise her?
That I don’t travel long distance in a bus,and still hate the travel to Thodupuzha*(my grandparents home).
That I still write crazy journals in pink books
9. At this point in your life, would you like to run into "you" from the future?
I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprises, and the wonderful things life has to offer me, so No!
I do not have that many people to tag. Consider yourself tagged if you are reading, and find this an interesting topic!
It’s basically an imaginary time travel and what I would do if I meet a younger me.
Rules:
1. Depending on your age, go back 10, 15, 20, or even more years.
2. Tell us how many years back you have traveled.
3. Pretend you have met yourself during that era, and tell us where you are.
4. You only have one "date" with this former self.
5. Answer the questions.
I have decided to go back to my 12th std. Thank Goodness I only have one date, and do not have to live through all of it again!
She is confused and is not in very good company. Has serious self esteem issues and is being pushed all over by her new girlfriend. Moreover the once brilliant girl, has lost her grip, and is completely unable to focus on any strategy to crack her entrance exams. Messy! Phew!
1. Would your younger self recognize you when you first meet?
She might freak out and probably have a heartattack, but yes she would .
2. Would she be surprised to discover what you are doing job wise?
Very much. She doesn’t think that much about her future outside of Kerala, doesn’t even know glam jobs like mine exist. She would be very glad and surprised.
3. What piece of fashion advice would you give her?
The fashion disaster that she was!
That shampoo DOESN'T ruin your hair all that much. So please use one.
That people will get used to any change of looks she undergoes, so be experimental.Get that haircut she always wanted.
That cotton is classy
But then again most of such decisions are not really upto her at that time.
4. What do you think she is most going to want to know?
Her entrance results.
5. How would you answer her question?
That just cause it was predicted by some random person, she is not going to become a doctor.
I will definitely share the strategy to crack the entrance exam. I am not sure if she will be able to decipher it, though.
6. What would probably be the best thing to tell her?
That her complexion/skin will become way much better.
That she will not always remain the ugly duckling or the second fiddle.
That our mother will trust her soon.
That she should expect wonderful things in her life, and not just worry about the worst outcome.
7. What is something that you probably wouldn't tell her?
Nothing actually. Anything she might know about her future will cheer her up.
8. What do you think will most surprise her about you?
That I have a good dressing sense and know to use an eyeliner.
That I get along with our mother.
That I am confident speaking to the opposite gender.
That I speak good English.
That I stay in a very unflattering room and have been staying there for four years.
That I stay alone, and have no qualms eating,shopping or even watching a movie alone
That I actually shop for home wear.
8. What do you think will least surprise her?
That I don’t travel long distance in a bus,and still hate the travel to Thodupuzha*(my grandparents home).
That I still write crazy journals in pink books
9. At this point in your life, would you like to run into "you" from the future?
I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprises, and the wonderful things life has to offer me, so No!
I do not have that many people to tag. Consider yourself tagged if you are reading, and find this an interesting topic!
Monday, October 11, 2010
My Ideal Neighborhood
Leadership Guru Robin Sharma in his masterpiece, `Who will Cry When you Die` has recommended spending sometime defining our ideal neighborhood. People from the past and the present who we wished lived next door to us. Whose qualities have amazed and inspired us.
Other than being a fun activity, listing this out, reminded me of excellence, which inspired me at some point in time or another. Living next door to all these great people is sure to brush off on me!
Following are my Ideal Neighbors and why I chose them:
The progressionist Christian preacher. Her down-to-earth, practical sermons about enjoying everyday life, has considerably impacted my life for the better.
She breaks down the myth of doctrines and focuses on bringing value to our daily life. Thus empowering us to make our life excellent and enjoyable with the power of God.
I would love to tap from her energy, undying enthusiasm and constant reevaluation of self.
He’s got to be in here. The mesmerizing leadership expert, who dishes out life lessons in every flash of a second. His constant focus on being a better person for becoming a world class leader, makes him stand apart. In this scheming world, where almost everyone I meet is bitter, remorse and sure that the only way up the ladder is to bring someone else down , his teachings come across as a breathe of fresh air. With his blinding success, he sure practices what he preaches.
Author of the 4 million dollar copy best seller `The Secret`. The book may or may not be practical. But it certainly gave a 180 degree turn to my mind set. She bought to me and the rest of the world the true meaning of the word gratitude. Which as hard a habit it is to cultivate, makes us realize what we have, and reminds us to be thankful for it .
The cricket prodigy and music maestro, who inspire me for the same qualities. In spite of reaching pinnacles of their fields of genius they constantly manage to remain grounded, humble and surprisingly lead scandal free lives under the dizzyingly scrutinizing eye of the ever hungry paparazzi.
The playwright of 1800’s and the author/filmmaker from kerala, who have managed to pen creative geniuses for decades. Their work remains relevant to all time. It never seems to go out of fashion. Never fails to stir the human soul, even centuries or decades after they were written.
I positively believe they never had writer’s block. Even if they did, they just gracefully overcame it.
Tamil actor and superstar. Surviving ten years of filmdom struggle and a fatal accident. To me he stands for complete belief in your dreams, against all odds. Under circumstances were almost anyone would have sort to despair and disappointment, he used the opportunity to keep himself prepared and ready to live his dream, and continues to live it with class.
Winning Tour De France seven consecutive times after surviving testicular cancer. I have no words for this miracle of a man
There’s my ideal neighborhood.
All of you should try out this activity, wherever feasible, in a notepad/MS word / or traditionally speaking a home journal, or in your blog if you have one!
Please make sure to come back here and let me know of your ideal neighborhood.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sweta Tags
Let me whole heartedly thank Sweta for pulling me out of a permanent hiatus, by tagging me.
At last I have something to write about, all I need is a pleasurable Friday. And here it is
Let me just plunge into the all encompassing whirlwind called self improvement. : - Body, mind and soul.
Following are the ten things that
I would like to learn:
1) To become non judgmental:
I have wrote about it many a times before, and I think about it all too constantly. Yet I am no where near to achieving it .
The disapproving look or thought I have about
i) The lesser fashionistas around me
ii) The ones who divulge in all too many fried food and sodas
iii) Incompetent professionals
How I plan to get there: I presume to stop measuring others against who I am or who I would be in their circumstances . Most importantly to forgive others their mistakes
2) To stop using humor as a defense mechanism
If you ever noticed 90% of people with the funny bone, are usually extremely self conscious. Humor as enjoyable as it is, is usually developed as a cover up for something we presumably lack.
When was the last time you met a funny super model? Never? Or if you ever did meet one, ask her to show you one of her childhood pics. You are sure to find a acne filled, tooth braces clad, sure shot ugly duckling.
As time goes by nature might bless us with traffic stopping good looks , wonderful professions and a great life, but old habits die hard, and the moment we get uncomfortable humor jumps into defense. Making us very likable, but again, Why do we need everyone to like us!!
How I plan to get there: I don’t expect to stop being humorous, but I do expect to stop making silly jokes, just to make up a conversation or to fill up the blank silent space. Let someone else do it from now on. I am just going to sit there , looking pretty.
3) To stop looking for reassurance from others
Aaah! This one is a bummer ain't it?
Reassurance includes a whole lot of arenas. It could be the desire to be addressed as beautiful by anyone at all at least once a week, to having a loved one dote on you over and over and over again.
Reassurance is where the nagging “You don’t call me enough, you never reply to my smses? Blah Blah Blah” stems from.
So cliché yet just so easy to succumb to.
The need for reassurance occurs necessarily when we don’t meet our own expectations.When chances are that, we do not feel worthy enough for our own respect, we might as well get it from someone else.
How I plan to get there: I don’t want to jinx this by writing about it. But I will sure get there.
If you are looking for advice. This is what I have to say, the only way to reassure yourself, is to fulfill your own expectations.
4) To swim
Water theme parks have made me realize my love for water ( not thrill) . If I catch myself thinking about swimming all the time, I sure expect to do it very soon
How I plan to get there: Learn to swim in the swimming pool of my future apartment? Maybe?
5) To stop suggesting improvements to anyone and everyone I meet
This one is the direct effect of the disapproval syndrome I am ever aware of (point 1). The knawing need to improve someone else’s life, without ever considering if they need my guidance in the first place.
Though this attitude completely helps my work life. I believe it can hurt quite many egos if I go around suggesting people to improve themselves. While what they might hear is me that they are not good enough as they are.
How I plan to get there: To stringently divert all my talents in this sector to my professional life. So much so that I don’t have any left to disturb anyone’s ego
6) To be brilliantly perseverant and consistent
I have the idea, the intelligence, and a medium level of perseverance. Most of the time it seems mediocrity is not enough.
How I plan to get there: I am not meant to be mediocre. Period!
7) To stop fussing about high heels
I wear them, in fact have to wear them, as I am constantly surrounded by uber tall people. I know I look good in them, and manage to carry it off
Oh! But I fuss. I almost carry a list of things I wouldn’t do if I am wearing heels, making myself a consistent pain for anyone with me
How I plan to get there: Wear heels everyday
8) To reduce my enormous phone bill
STD MMS while in roaming. Browsing You Tube while in Roaming Via Phone? Who do I Think I am? Anil Ambani???
How I plan to achieve it: It is not necessary to let the world know how photogenic I am,at that moment. It can wait.Or maybe they don't need to know
9) To be calm and composed
Energetic and impulsive. While these traits are sure pluses in anyone’s resume, believe me there are two sides to the same coin.
Impulsive also means looking before you leap
Energetic also means over reactive
Its has always been my dream to be able to passively smile when I see MS Dhoni at the airport, than jump up and down and threaten the airport security staff to let me in.
How I plan to get there: I have no idea
10) To delay gratification
In today’s “Impatient is the new thing” age, where we get anything in a span of a few hours( if we can afford it), delaying gratification is almost non existent
But unfortunately anything that money cant buy, always have to wait ,If I don’t delay gratification, I know its not going to last
How I plan to get there: God gives best to people who patiently wait.
This one’s for Rakhi, who is everything that I desire to be
At last I have something to write about, all I need is a pleasurable Friday. And here it is
Let me just plunge into the all encompassing whirlwind called self improvement. : - Body, mind and soul.
Following are the ten things that
I would like to learn:
1) To become non judgmental:
I have wrote about it many a times before, and I think about it all too constantly. Yet I am no where near to achieving it .
The disapproving look or thought I have about
i) The lesser fashionistas around me
ii) The ones who divulge in all too many fried food and sodas
iii) Incompetent professionals
How I plan to get there: I presume to stop measuring others against who I am or who I would be in their circumstances . Most importantly to forgive others their mistakes
2) To stop using humor as a defense mechanism
If you ever noticed 90% of people with the funny bone, are usually extremely self conscious. Humor as enjoyable as it is, is usually developed as a cover up for something we presumably lack.
When was the last time you met a funny super model? Never? Or if you ever did meet one, ask her to show you one of her childhood pics. You are sure to find a acne filled, tooth braces clad, sure shot ugly duckling.
As time goes by nature might bless us with traffic stopping good looks , wonderful professions and a great life, but old habits die hard, and the moment we get uncomfortable humor jumps into defense. Making us very likable, but again, Why do we need everyone to like us!!
How I plan to get there: I don’t expect to stop being humorous, but I do expect to stop making silly jokes, just to make up a conversation or to fill up the blank silent space. Let someone else do it from now on. I am just going to sit there , looking pretty.
3) To stop looking for reassurance from others
Aaah! This one is a bummer ain't it?
Reassurance includes a whole lot of arenas. It could be the desire to be addressed as beautiful by anyone at all at least once a week, to having a loved one dote on you over and over and over again.
Reassurance is where the nagging “You don’t call me enough, you never reply to my smses? Blah Blah Blah” stems from.
So cliché yet just so easy to succumb to.
The need for reassurance occurs necessarily when we don’t meet our own expectations.When chances are that, we do not feel worthy enough for our own respect, we might as well get it from someone else.
How I plan to get there: I don’t want to jinx this by writing about it. But I will sure get there.
If you are looking for advice. This is what I have to say, the only way to reassure yourself, is to fulfill your own expectations.
4) To swim
Water theme parks have made me realize my love for water ( not thrill) . If I catch myself thinking about swimming all the time, I sure expect to do it very soon
How I plan to get there: Learn to swim in the swimming pool of my future apartment? Maybe?
5) To stop suggesting improvements to anyone and everyone I meet
This one is the direct effect of the disapproval syndrome I am ever aware of (point 1). The knawing need to improve someone else’s life, without ever considering if they need my guidance in the first place.
Though this attitude completely helps my work life. I believe it can hurt quite many egos if I go around suggesting people to improve themselves. While what they might hear is me that they are not good enough as they are.
How I plan to get there: To stringently divert all my talents in this sector to my professional life. So much so that I don’t have any left to disturb anyone’s ego
6) To be brilliantly perseverant and consistent
I have the idea, the intelligence, and a medium level of perseverance. Most of the time it seems mediocrity is not enough.
How I plan to get there: I am not meant to be mediocre. Period!
7) To stop fussing about high heels
I wear them, in fact have to wear them, as I am constantly surrounded by uber tall people. I know I look good in them, and manage to carry it off
Oh! But I fuss. I almost carry a list of things I wouldn’t do if I am wearing heels, making myself a consistent pain for anyone with me
How I plan to get there: Wear heels everyday
8) To reduce my enormous phone bill
STD MMS while in roaming. Browsing You Tube while in Roaming Via Phone? Who do I Think I am? Anil Ambani???
How I plan to achieve it: It is not necessary to let the world know how photogenic I am,at that moment. It can wait.Or maybe they don't need to know
9) To be calm and composed
Energetic and impulsive. While these traits are sure pluses in anyone’s resume, believe me there are two sides to the same coin.
Impulsive also means looking before you leap
Energetic also means over reactive
Its has always been my dream to be able to passively smile when I see MS Dhoni at the airport, than jump up and down and threaten the airport security staff to let me in.
How I plan to get there: I have no idea
10) To delay gratification
In today’s “Impatient is the new thing” age, where we get anything in a span of a few hours( if we can afford it), delaying gratification is almost non existent
But unfortunately anything that money cant buy, always have to wait ,If I don’t delay gratification, I know its not going to last
How I plan to get there: God gives best to people who patiently wait.
This one’s for Rakhi, who is everything that I desire to be
Monday, May 3, 2010
??: A new Study
Learning is an art in itself. An art rarely trained on, but knowing which, makes all the difference.
As it’s taken me quite a long time, to decipher this, it seems worthy to share it with anyone interested.
We could have varied reasons to learn. It could be because we enjoy knowing more about a fascinating subject. It could be because our career path forces us to constantly keep ourselves on the edge. Or it could just be a medium to get us closer to our goals.
The reason we chose to learn, could vary.
But the method we imbibe essentially remains the same. Most of our study patterns have been built years back,during our formative years. But if for some reason, the methods you followed werent helping you,its never too late to change.
In a recent competitive preparation,I had some eye opening new revelations about how we choose to learn. Many of them , I promise, will make your student life way much more enjoyable
1) Think as you learn
Books provide us only with information. Forming our own views based on this information , is true learning. This involves a lot of thought. Thinking about what we are trying to study. Relating it with what we already know. Along with taking in new information as we go.It takes a while for most people to grasp a new idea, or an alien concept. Understanding a concept is simple, and could be achieved by a single read. But to be able to use it requires thoroughness in the subject. This, as boring as it may sound, means having to read through the same information more than once. Preferably referring to it many a time to refresh our memory. When the idea becomes part of our psyche, it springs to us the next time we are faced with a problem.
2) Thinking out loud
The concept of a group study, is particularly effective only once we know our subject.Learning something brand new, in a group study makes it a teaching session. Never serving its real purpose. When varied minds, with diverse and interesting thinking patterns, share their thoughts about what they observed, enjoyed and did not agree or quite understand, it opens up a whole new world. A world which inspires each one of us to think a little differently the next time we learn. It brings in a healthy competitive spirit, wonderful respect for our study partners and a very deep understanding of the ideas we need to know.3) Read outside to what is prescribed After the initial stage it always helps to read a little beyond the all too familiar books. Could give us a brand new outlook, and probably a deeper view into a lot of basics looked over generally.
3) Practical exposure
Almost every topic has relevant practical scenarios. Getting a hands-on expertise, gives us an idea of the relevance of what we have learned. On the contrary, learning in our workplace could make a routine task interesting. Helping us understand it better and bring about well informed improvements.
4) Examination
Tests or examinations are supposed to make us better learners. Knowing there is a place to apply our newly earned skills makes us learn with deeper understanding and purpose. The timeline gives us the desired focus.This kind of detailed preparation will make us completely excited about an examination. We treat it not with dread, but as an arena to showcase what we have learned.
To highlight:
1.Learn the same ideas more than once. It might be interesting to know how much more we learn new the second time around.
2. Think when you learn. Think about what you are trying to grasp, think about what you believe you already know. Give heed to conflicting ideas.
3. Compare and contrast any idea which sounds familiar or confusing
4. Study with a good group of intellectually stimulating people.
5. Learn with definitive purpose.
.
Learning is an art which could change your life. Some of us are lucky to have born with it, some of us have to imbibe it.
This one’s dedicated to Mumshad , the most intellectually challenging study partner I have ever had, for being a true guidance and inspiration by sheer example.
As it’s taken me quite a long time, to decipher this, it seems worthy to share it with anyone interested.
We could have varied reasons to learn. It could be because we enjoy knowing more about a fascinating subject. It could be because our career path forces us to constantly keep ourselves on the edge. Or it could just be a medium to get us closer to our goals.
The reason we chose to learn, could vary.
But the method we imbibe essentially remains the same. Most of our study patterns have been built years back,during our formative years. But if for some reason, the methods you followed werent helping you,its never too late to change.
In a recent competitive preparation,I had some eye opening new revelations about how we choose to learn. Many of them , I promise, will make your student life way much more enjoyable
1) Think as you learn
Books provide us only with information. Forming our own views based on this information , is true learning. This involves a lot of thought. Thinking about what we are trying to study. Relating it with what we already know. Along with taking in new information as we go.It takes a while for most people to grasp a new idea, or an alien concept. Understanding a concept is simple, and could be achieved by a single read. But to be able to use it requires thoroughness in the subject. This, as boring as it may sound, means having to read through the same information more than once. Preferably referring to it many a time to refresh our memory. When the idea becomes part of our psyche, it springs to us the next time we are faced with a problem.
2) Thinking out loud
The concept of a group study, is particularly effective only once we know our subject.Learning something brand new, in a group study makes it a teaching session. Never serving its real purpose. When varied minds, with diverse and interesting thinking patterns, share their thoughts about what they observed, enjoyed and did not agree or quite understand, it opens up a whole new world. A world which inspires each one of us to think a little differently the next time we learn. It brings in a healthy competitive spirit, wonderful respect for our study partners and a very deep understanding of the ideas we need to know.3) Read outside to what is prescribed After the initial stage it always helps to read a little beyond the all too familiar books. Could give us a brand new outlook, and probably a deeper view into a lot of basics looked over generally.
3) Practical exposure
Almost every topic has relevant practical scenarios. Getting a hands-on expertise, gives us an idea of the relevance of what we have learned. On the contrary, learning in our workplace could make a routine task interesting. Helping us understand it better and bring about well informed improvements.
4) Examination
Tests or examinations are supposed to make us better learners. Knowing there is a place to apply our newly earned skills makes us learn with deeper understanding and purpose. The timeline gives us the desired focus.This kind of detailed preparation will make us completely excited about an examination. We treat it not with dread, but as an arena to showcase what we have learned.
To highlight:
1.Learn the same ideas more than once. It might be interesting to know how much more we learn new the second time around.
2. Think when you learn. Think about what you are trying to grasp, think about what you believe you already know. Give heed to conflicting ideas.
3. Compare and contrast any idea which sounds familiar or confusing
4. Study with a good group of intellectually stimulating people.
5. Learn with definitive purpose.
.
Learning is an art which could change your life. Some of us are lucky to have born with it, some of us have to imbibe it.
This one’s dedicated to Mumshad , the most intellectually challenging study partner I have ever had, for being a true guidance and inspiration by sheer example.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Random
I sometimes wonder, what a huge waste Talent is, when there is no compassion or humility accompanying it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Loneliness, Epilepsy and other stories
Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely. Now that should be made a proverb, like time and tide waits for no man. And since proverbs should be repeated to become cliché, I repeat-----
Being alone doesn't mean you are lonely
It is sometimes almost delightful to enjoy one’s own company. It’s a pretty big insight for someone like me, who used to skip meals and write absolutely depressing blogs when my roomie went abroad. Read this to know where I come from.
The beauty in enjoying one’s own space is enjoying the independence. Now that’s something I have always loved, though I never really realized it. Just doing your stuff, your way, no adjustments, no distractions. (Lying lazy amidst your own pile of mess doesn’t count).This is one of those rare rare weekends where I have been in my room for the whole day with no movie/restaurant plans. (Had some last minute cancellations, which I didn’t deal with pretty well. Let’s talk about that later!).
It was a simple normal almost boring day but yet I feel like writing about it.
Saturday means no work. Coming from a 24X7 working culture this is heaven for me. Getting my weekends off. I still see people yearn for it, and I am completely grateful that I have it.
I get my 8 hours of sleep. Again WOW! I remember those night shifts and the zombie it made me. So another blessing I just can’t take for granted.
And my alone day began . .
I decided to go for the advanced Yoga class which is conducted on Saturdays. I go for the regular course on weekdays and anyone who has completed 3 months can go for the advanced classes . But when my master asked me to concentrate on my Shiv Kendra or somewhere in the middle portion of my brain, and all I got was a headache from trying to move my eyes there, I knew I wasn’t ready for it. But I did do the asanas better than any of the “advanced” students. . Hehehhe . Yippie to a haughty me. Anyway this means I woke up at around 5:15 a.m and had a good one hour of exercise. That’s a great start for anyday!
I come back catch up on the adorable lovely God given sleep .
I am currently reading Chicken Soup for the Soul. I love it. Truly inspiring and I cry at the drop of a hat, so obviously a tear jerker. I love these stories of growing against all odds. It’s the same way I inspire myself thinking of ShahRukh Khan. With that nose, hair-do and no acting skill to speak of ,he still became the King Khan super star of the Indian film industry . So nothing can stop us from becoming what we want, not even lack of talent.( Don’t get me wrong, I absolutelllllllly ADORRE ShahRukh Khan.)
I have to explicitly thank two people for today. My hostel canteen guy. I just recently discovered that his food tastes good. And it’s extremely cheap and is healthy. I had all my three meals today (It’s a rarity believe me!) and I thank him for the 25 Rupee meals.
I thank my Yoga master. For his wonderful class which is almost charity, when compared to what Yoga teachers charge else where. For a mere 300 Rs he has classes every working day for 3 months. Please treat this as an advertisement for anyone who stays near JP Nagar 2nd phase/ Ragiguda Temple , Bangalore to check this out! You needn’t be trying to lose weight or on the look out for your higher purpose in life or anything of that sort. It’s just absolute unadulterated fun!
Now I have some information to share about EPILEPSY
This is for everyone who has watched too many Indian movies and like 99% of us believe in such myths (Kazhcha and Sargam being two main contenders in the Malayalam movie dept for spreading these notions ).
And this came into mention cause, I recently saw a guy get an epileptic fit in a park, while he was sleeping. And he fell of the bench and the place was a mess. (I actually thought he poisoned himself and he was dying) I ran to the place. And in seconds I saw all kinds of keys. Santro, scootie, house keys, almirah keys all thrust into his hand. Though I didn’t know what to do I knew key holding was just nonsense. I was thinking of calling emergency BUT
1) People said this is “common” and he needn’t be taken to the hospital .
2) They asked him to cling onto anything iron/steel including the gates of the park.
While I was adamant in taking him to the hospital the whole park disagreed with me (other than my unfortunate friend who had to stick by me, thank you!) and then God’s greatest blessing came to my rescue. Google. I asked a friend to google what to do during an epileptic fit and she just called me up and read it out to me. I love techonology and Internet Is God’s greatest blessing to mankind .
So we got him some coconut water and bread and went back to studying (Oh ya we were trying to study in the park!!! All these distractions made sure that didn’t happen).
And believe it or not after the guy regained his senses he returned to the exact park bench and lied down to sleep as if nothing happened. I didn’t know if I had to feel sorry for him.
Anyway next time you see an epileptic fit, you know what to do. And no, there is no need to call an ambulance.
Now food for thought:
Discipline is doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like doing it.
Isn’t that the whole philosophy of the life in a single simple sentence!
P.S: Earthly affairs. Javed Habib Hair studios are great! And I love Gilmore Girls. :-)
This is for everyone who has watched too many Indian movies and like 99% of us believe in such myths (Kazhcha and Sargam being two main contenders in the Malayalam movie dept for spreading these notions ).
And this came into mention cause, I recently saw a guy get an epileptic fit in a park, while he was sleeping. And he fell of the bench and the place was a mess. (I actually thought he poisoned himself and he was dying) I ran to the place. And in seconds I saw all kinds of keys. Santro, scootie, house keys, almirah keys all thrust into his hand. Though I didn’t know what to do I knew key holding was just nonsense. I was thinking of calling emergency BUT
1) People said this is “common” and he needn’t be taken to the hospital .
2) They asked him to cling onto anything iron/steel including the gates of the park.
While I was adamant in taking him to the hospital the whole park disagreed with me (other than my unfortunate friend who had to stick by me, thank you!) and then God’s greatest blessing came to my rescue. Google. I asked a friend to google what to do during an epileptic fit and she just called me up and read it out to me. I love techonology and Internet Is God’s greatest blessing to mankind .
So we got him some coconut water and bread and went back to studying (Oh ya we were trying to study in the park!!! All these distractions made sure that didn’t happen).
And believe it or not after the guy regained his senses he returned to the exact park bench and lied down to sleep as if nothing happened. I didn’t know if I had to feel sorry for him.
Anyway next time you see an epileptic fit, you know what to do. And no, there is no need to call an ambulance.
Now food for thought:
Discipline is doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like doing it.
Isn’t that the whole philosophy of the life in a single simple sentence!
P.S: Earthly affairs. Javed Habib Hair studios are great! And I love Gilmore Girls. :-)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Service
Just fresh from reading Arpz's blog.Let me just type out something before the inspiration dies and I slip into my mundane routine.
I have been diligently waiting for this handy laptop to resume blogging.Blogging with no manager shoulder surfing what I am writing. With no fear, and with the ability to publish anything anyday working or otherwise. My employer has thoughtfully given this amazing equipment so that we can work no matter when.I am willing to take that bargain.
What do I write about? Hmmm.. My new job (Its been eight months but since I haven't written about it, I guess I can still call it new) .Ya my new job. It's better than the last one, or I know better now than I did then.
So what do I like about my new job? The timing is great. My shift starts only at 1:30 pm which means even if I do feel lazy in the morning, I still have time for an attitude shift before I miss my cab.My team is small and have dedicated people.My work seems good. Looks like I am doing what I read in a lot of experience columns in job opening emails.
There are no daily thresholds .No over pressure.No boring "escalation-prevention" meetings.
And then the ultimate luxury, we have a room to pray. Now that comes as the biggest blessing for me with our 5-times-a day praying routine.And not having a place in office means I have to finish it all off together . Now that's reason enough to love my job I guess.
So now for the REAL stuff! Something has been cramming me and my roommate's life for these past days . My maid didn't show up for THREE WEEKS! with no prior notice.Due to which all I can think about now is how important she is to me . (Ya ya, I know kannulapol kannite velayariyoola* Read below for translation)
I have heard and read about abuse of maids and how slaves and servants were ill treated in yesteryears and even now. All I can wonder is HOW! How can u ill treat or abuse someone on whose mercy we live.On whose mood swings and cramps our clean clothes and fresh rooms depend.
Me and my roommate have spent quite sometime last week praying, breaking coconuts,Doing Reiki etc etc for her to come back into our lives with clean clothes.As if this was not enough she seems super busy on her return,I have to chase her every morning,always wondering if it would be better if I got her a mobile, I could avoid running around climbing 5 floors searching for her.And then plead to her in my broken hindi about the plight of our room.
After all this I now know why my mom chose not to have a maid all these years.I think dependence is something we all have been escaping from.Now women don't need to depend on their husbands for money, but how many people are we depended upon to get our daily stuff done.If I start writing about my ironwala and the amount of vacation he takes,I could fill up ten other pages.Anyway he works only for about 10 days a month and then he disappears, this especially when all my clothes have been washed(with my maid's mercy) and now I cant wear them cause they are crumbled.
I know that the human society is inter dependant for its services.I get paid when I allocate storage so that the applications can fill it up with data. And I pay these people for providing me with pressed clean clothes and a fresh room.But if my application runs out of space,I get called upon even in the middle of the night to look into it.I provide my service 5 days a week and even on some weekends . I have to plan ages before I take a long leave.There are millions of dollars at stake if my work doesnt get done on time or gets delayed for even a day.
But is it ok if my bathroom looks dirty for few days.Is it ok if my clothes aren't pressed when I want them to be? Is it ok if these people disappear for weeks on end without a warning or a replacement?
I know I shouldn't compare.After all I get paid much more than they do.
If any maid abuser happens to read this, please let me know how you do it. HOW!
P.S: I have heard that my ironwala owns a bungalow somewhere in his hometown and he resides there as a king :)
*"We dont realise the value of eyes when we have it" is the closest translation of this malayalam proverb. If there are any similar english proverbs please let me know
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Return of the blogging
It’s been over four months since I blogged. Elaborating the reasons would be too boring. So I will just stick to a few clichéd words to explain my absence – fear of manager, work, and laziness .Its not that I overcame any of the above today. But the truth, which anyone who enjoys writing would whole heartedly agree with me is that, the urge to write never dies. It comes out in some way or the other. You at least think about writing. Formulate the words in your head. And sometimes these words never find its place in a piece of a paper or in anyone’s heart just cause the thinker was too drowsy to pen it down.
So how has life been for me all these months, In a nut shell with the Grace of God, I have had a wonderful time.
Events/I Realizations that I have had in this span of time are as follows.
1. Rakhi introduced me to the idea of Reiki. Little did I know, how much of an influence it would have in my life when I involuntarily signed up for an attuenement.
2. She got married in the most beautiful ceremony I have ever witnessed.
3. I managed to lose some weight. It was quite some work figuring out what worked for my body and in the process I learned that weight loss is lot like love. It finds you, all you need to do is yearn for good health.
4. My Reiki Master’s husband mentioned about a book The Secret. This magical best seller is a best seller for all the right reasons
5. Gratitude is the most beautiful emotion to have. Being grateful for whatever you possess is a miracle, which brings much more to be grateful for in your life
6. Everything culminates in God. He has his own special way to bring his creations closer to him
I will try and not preach from my next blog onwards. And I promise to blog regularly and very frequently.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Festive season... it is!
It’s Christmas and I am in office. Work is less, as the rest of the world seems pretty busy celebrating or at least pretending to do so. I get some condolence messages from acquaintances whom I meet online. They seem concerned that I am working on a holiday. I feel sorry for them. Why are they online at this hour? Shouldn’t they be enjoying? I give the usual reply. I am in a shift job. My job requires someone to be here 24X7. And I am on shift now. Blah blah Blah . I spent the Christmas morning deciding whether to eat dosa or idli and looking at families enjoying a well planned picnic in Lal Bagh. Aunties with tucked up sarees trying to emote in the favorite family game dumb c. And me being the self declared fanatic of the game telling my friend how they are doing it wrong .
Long story short I am very much away from family this holiday season. And on New Year’s eve, I would be in my hostel room watching the best program aired in the best channel.(I am blessed with a TV) And wondering if it is essential to kiss someone when the clock strikes 12.
I would get my usual phone calls. And the ever concerned junta would again come forward to extend their condolences when I go about my” I don’t get leaves” self pity speech. I avoid mentioning that I never applied for one. I enjoy, working the entire night. I enjoy, Spending the morning watching others going about their own pursuit for happiness.
Then when do I chose to go home? When the airfares are cheaper. When the world is busy making money. When my manager approves my leave without a second thought.
And when my mom has all the time in the world for me. I go home.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The Call
There is sometimes a sweet innocence in a phone call. When your bored friend wants to sing a song and you being a pathetic singer cant even hum along.Then you go on to play Tom Dick and Harry . And you get bored of it too after sometime. And then you wonder are we the same people who talked about religion and its intricacies some days back. You realise even the most mundane of days can end with excitement if you get a great story teller as your friend . The only thing tough is to avoid talking about matters of the heart.Where is fun when there is restraint?Did I contradict myself here?But I did say there is "sometimes" a sweet innocence. We are sure to lose it sooner or later.
Ladies and Gentlemen a normal human blog is on its way...
Friday, September 14, 2007
The Return of Lavan
To all my friends who saw me through these tough six weeks.
My roomie is coming back from
· The telephone is a better friend of mine than the TV. My bank balance would have liked it better the other way round. As no matter how much TV I watch , I pay the same amount to the cable guy. But hutch it seems demands for each call. Those wretched fools. Can’t they learn from Tata Indicom and at least cut down on the roaming. (Please Hutch for me. You know I love you)
· I can be a teeny weeny responsible if left alone. Like when I am positive that the unclean clothes are never going to get washed unless I move my pretty * behind and give to my servant. I tend to do it. [once in ten days]
· Those very few minutes of international calls my roomie and me make to each other are filled with bursts of laughter and giggle. Makes me realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. When she says “I will be there on Monday don’t do ANYTHING till then”. The anything includes the mind blowingly foolish stuff I can do when bored.
· I have skipped more meals in these six weeks than I would in an entire month of Ramadan. And yet haven’t reduced even an inch of flab.
· I have almost stopped blogging, which is extremely sad. Cause that’s one of the very few things I enjoy. And I reiterate it’s not that I have nothing to write about. Its cause I made the huge mistake of not making this anonymous. And my blog misses some of the creativity (a.k.a crap) my diary at home enjoys.
· My inside-the-country and inside-the-city friends started receiving wailing calls from me at unearthly hours. I ask them to drive through heat and rain just to accompany me for an hour of dinner. I realize that people might get fed up of this and I end up skipping more meals.
· I am not yet mature to be my own friend. I would rather bicker and wail over my loneliness than find glory in it and submit to its supremacy. Like all of the female species would agree bickering paves way to the ultimate freedom of our soul.
All these discoveries go wasted as she returns and I can go back to eating in time. And the contacts in my mobile can go back to sleeping in peace.
And something new that has been happening these days is I am forced to think/decide. So this means I put too much pressure on an unused rusting object that is my tiny brain. And it gets tired. So I request my well wishers to do the work for me. And here`s what has been eating me alive :
· People say that you have to be adaptive. That you shouldn’t throw tantrums.
· People say you should maintain your individuality. Never let go of the person you are.
· People say pride goes before a fall. That we should be humble.
· People say the highest form of respect is self respect. That nothing we do should counter that.
I find each of these contradictory.
And as if all this wasn’t enough. There is the much talked about “love”. Does love fit in all this? Or does love surpass all? Why am I talking about love, I never believed it existed in the first place.*
People please answer my queries; I have to rest my brain. It’s not used to working.
The holy month of Ramadan for us Muslims begins today. One month of fasting and religious dedication commemorating the revelation of the holy book of Quran. There is something novel about Ramadan. It’s not just refraining from food and drink. It’s refraining from anything sinful. The control of our mind over the urges of the body.
I was bought up in Al-Ain. An Oasis in the
Lavan returns from
* Self boost. Everything that belongs to me is/are pretty.
* Love exists. I feel it for Hutch. I had to say this. I can’t lie to myself.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
If there is a WILL
Somewhere in between Khalida Zia’s arrest and Salman Khan’s bail, this particular news caught my eye. The hotel heiress Leona Helmsey’s controversial will. For those of you, preoccupied with the more important matters of the world. This multimillionaire has left a whooping twelve million dollars of her fortune to her pet dog . This serves as a reminder for the people who believe in rebirth and have been doing noble stuff in life to avoid being reborn as a dog. People, its not that bad being born an animal.
After spending a moment, obsessing over the dog’s fate and wanting to read its palm*(if it has one). My mind drifted off to the heiress. Why would she have done something so.. err.. stupid ?? It could be the fear that her beloved pet would be abandoned after her death. Or it could be, like all the newspapers profess, her undying love for the dog. Trying to justify her actions, I got reminded of another incident.
I had a friend who used to carry a dirty, torn bag of hers to college everyday. I randomly asked her why she couldn’t get herself a better bag and throw this one off. She replied “This is the one thing which stays with me when everyone else leaves”. If she ever had to write a will, she would have left a lumpsum amount for her bag, I swear. [Friend mentioned here, if you read this please call me. I lost your number]. I joke about this to my roomie too. When our cabbie* gives us a call, I say “He’s my true love. He doesn’t forget to give me a call no matter what”. That’s the idea- someone who stays with us inspite of everything.
All of us have those thunderbolt moments in our life. The moments when the people we have loved, cared , sacrificed many a thing for tend to be ungrateful. And we are left heart broken and shattered, repenting every emotion of ours wasted for that person. At such dark hours the ones who stay with us, we realize, are the only ones who are true to us. This could be God for some, parents for some others, a pet dog or even a bag .
If I ,at this young age of twenty four (Compared to the eighty seven year old Leona not the teenagers trotting on the road) have a priority list in my diary, imagine the life of the heiress. In her long and probably eventful life the number of heartbreaking incidents of ingratitude she would have faced. The moments which made her realize that her dog more than anyone else is the only one faithful to her. And being a multimillionaire all her hurt and revenge seeking pain came out in the form of her will. She has intelligently included the line “for reasons which are known to them” as to why two of her grand children got nothing.
So what if I had to write a will ?(Right now for my 50 Rupee bank balance) Who would I give it to? Without second thoughts to my mom. And I am sure Leona would have done the same if hers was alive.
* I am supposed to be good at palmistry
*My cab driver gives me a missed call before coming to pick me up.He happens to call me even on my weekly offs, and even during my vacations. I agree its irritating most of the times.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Couldnt think of a Topic
It’s my day off (rather my night off) work. [Night shifts have started again]. I am in my room all alone,( My roomie has left for Ireland for six weeks),sitting beside a heap of clothes and devising plans to clean my dilapidated room. Discovery is airing a particularly interesting program. It’s about mistresses. Nope I am not talking about head mistress here. It’s the “other” woman. As always discovery has handled this very emotional subject almost scientifically. All the references made in the program are famous. I hear Ted Hughes, John Lennon among many other names. They talk about the guilt the mistress suffers after breaking up a marriage. Most of them committing suicides unable to bear the guilt. They also talk about the change in the mentality of the mistress of yester years to the mistress of today. The one thing that catches my attention is how they have completely avoided discussing the state of mind of the man who has two women in his life. I donno if they excluded it cause that’s a topic too extensive in itself. Or cause they considered the two timing beast’s mentality not worthy of mention. Some where in the show I remember a lady saying ”Most of us are capable of loving more than one person at a time”. Interesting thought! I sms my friend to watch it if awake. I know all the world missed it, cause it was three at night and I might be the only nocturnal creature awake.
After this extremely interesting program I decide to clean my room. I succeed except for the Herculean task. My wardrobe. Quite unlike the female species in the rest of the world, my wardrobe is a constant mess. It awaits my once in a six month clean up, every single day. So I throw out all clothes into my bed. It’s about three thirty and laziness engulfs me. Actually I am always engulfed by laziness so I should say I became normal and decide to do the cleaning some other day. Threw all the clothes back in and closed the closet door tightly. My room looks clean. Hmmm. I go back to watching TV . But now I cant find the remote! DAMN! I should have thrown it into my closet along with the clothes.
I have a word with God. He hasn’t been on my side lately. And I have been blaming all my past sins(if any) as reasons. So what’s this for God? Did I trample on an ant while running to the bathroom? I fish for any non cloth like thing in my closet. No luck. I throw out all the clothes again. [Why god? Why?]. Can’t find the remote. I decide to use my hands to change the channel or resort to reading ‘Interpreter of maladies’. As I settle down with the book and pulled my cozy blanket over me. I feel a cold thingie near my feet, and I just knew it was my TV remote .
So as I told you, my roomie’s untimely trip to Ireland has left me lonely at an odd time. Since she was my permanent shoulder to cry on, I have been crying on every random shoulder who passes by and my nose hit some cold bony shoulders on the way. And a particular thought told by a friend came to my mind. This recent addition (or subtraction) of a friend is about twenty seven years old, and he told me, how after running behind making friends for many years he found happiness within himself. It’s strange how we learn some stuff from the most unexpected of additions.
So on another such depressing day. I am in Bangalore international airport after seeing off Lavan to Ireland. I am stuck with four of my guy friends talking about Marlboro cigarettes. And I am contemplating murder/suicide to keep myself busy, when a curvy dashing beauty catches our eye. Me and my other south Indian friend recognizes her to be a Tamil actress. I have a thing for celebrities, they make me happy. After grabbing Prabhanjan`s birthday card [that was the only piece of paper we had, it was his birthday]. I got her autograph and after a lot of coaxing from my friend posed for a pic with her.
My friend made a random comment after sometime. That in the picture I look way better than I do in real life and she the reverse. [Now u can multiply me by a million and divide her by hundred crores. She still will look infinite times better than me. So guys! We are not comparing here]. And he compliments “You are very photogenic”. Now that’s something I have heard a gazillion times in my life. But this time I reconsider.
And my mind wandered off to another discovery channel program about Princess Diana. Where they refer to her as the extremely photogenic princess. Made me wonder if she didn’t look this good in real life. Is that why Prince Charles never really loved her? Maybe Camilla Parker did look good in person.
Hey! I began with a mistress story, so did I end with one. I sync!!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Happiness
I have a nasty headache and I have had a very bad day. Yoga instructors tell us time and again that whenever we are under stress, think about our happiest moment and picture ourselves there. I have found this exercise futile many times in the past. But this one time it worked
With no effort I could remember my stress free moment.
It was a working day afternoon. Since it was my day off, I decided to go shopping. My friend took me to a mall I had never been to before. The crowd was almost nil and the ambiance was serene. It was just the two of us all along. And my happiest moment was, standing beneath a fluorescent lamp showing off my hair color to my friend.
Now all I want to be is at that moment, when I was not planning for the future or being gnawed by the past. Just happy and at peace.
This one’s for my friend who accompanied me that day. Fyi, I was the happiest when I was with you.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tagged with Gratitude
I am starting to like this whole idea of tagging. That removes one burden of my chest, choosing a topic my family can read, ( that is without getting enquiring phone calls from the rest of the family).
Gratitude: Feeling or showing that you value or appreciate something that has been done for you.
What’s coming up next is a much rehearsed harangue .Something which I have been practicing from childhood for my Oscar night. I have left out little additions like Woody Allen and Walt Disney. So in the future if/when I win an Academy award or a desi version of it. (That would be the National Award and not Filmfare), you can go grab a sandwich while I start the “Thank you” speech, for you would have heard it all before. And Bullsh thanks for tagging me (in all your laziness). I am grateful.
Now for the listed 8 . I start with what I refer to them as, their relationship with me, Followed by blahdablahdablah…. I use the word teach in a million places, cause teaching somehow is related to gratitude.
NUMBER 1
UMMA: Rightly guessed that’s my mom.
You have a million reasons to thank your mom . And I am planning to say almost every conspicuous point here. So here goes
- Essentially for having faith, and for building the same in me. She almost never advocates her beliefs, but somewhere it’s inspiring enough to seep in.
- For letting me be me, as different as I am from her. Though she half heartedly tries to change me into the conventional daughter. The very fact that her effort is half hearted explains that she is ok with who I am.
- For all the sleepless nights she has spent taking care of an ill me.
- For cooking delicious food each and every single day
- For always rising above and against circumstance and being the strongest lady I have ever met
- For imparting in me the 1% gene that makes me normal
NUMBER 2
Ikkikka : My one and only elder brother
- For, at a very young age, killing my arrogance. I donno what kind of a self obsessed arrogant devil I would have become if he hadn’t tamed me down with his timely pinches and thrashings.
- For dropping me at every place I had to go (read tuitions), irrespective of what time of the day it was and irrespective of his own busy schedule. This is something he keeps on saying I would never have done if I were him.
- For being a cool friend all through childhood and a big brother all through my adulthood (that would be the past three years)
- For, in spite of all the embarrassments I have put him through, almost never throwing it back at my face.
NUMBER 3
Vappa: My Daddy
- For never ever putting me under any pressure to perform. And for making my mom believe the same.
- For not scolding me on the day I bought back my brand new hero pen with a broken nib. [It was the first day of my pencil to pen transformation, and my dad had given me this hero pen]. He brushed it off without a single word of reprimanding. This should be why I still am utterly careless. But this is also why I have never lied even once for the fear of getting punished.
- For making me read tough journals at a very young age.
- For the 99% of who I am. Be it good bad or ugly.
NUMBER 4
Rakhi
1. For showing me what it means to be humble. 2. For striving me to do better in every aspect of life. 3. For dragging me, that particular night, to Ernakulam for my company recruitment. A teary and completely broken down me* would never have, without her persuasion, even attended the interview. And so I am indebted to her for my job and hence indebted to her life long. 4. For instilling an undying (well deserved) faith in my mom that I am safe if she’s around. 5. For understanding me as weird as I am.
NUMBER 5
Amma: (My maternal grandmother)
- For being the only one in the family I have ever wanted to impress.
- For keeping her standards so high that I work harder to meet them.
- For showing me what the word capable means
- For teaching me that freedom is what we earn for ourselves and that you can’t blame anyone/anything for it.
NUMBER 6
Atha: (My maternal grandfather)
- For teaching me the glory of mystery.
- For making me realize there is something called matrimonial bliss
- For proclaiming that silence never means submission
NUMBER 7
Friends
These are God send creatures who emerge from no where at some place or time to help us, guide us and just to be with us. I cannot help mentioning few names.
- Reeba : For being the first to make me feel worthy.
- Abilash : For being the most inspiring classmate
- Lavanya: For tolerating the kiddish pain that I am and yet for taking care of me.
- KC: For just being KC
- Rajeswari : For the affection and advice
- Sreekanth : For showing me the bigger picture.
- Satish: For always always being there
- Prabhanjan: For keeping me on my feet during every form of trekking
- Amit: For teaching me that sincerity is the truest of all emotions
And now for the most important one
GOD:
- FOR à NOT making me the first born of a Somalian farmer
- FOR à NOT making me the illegitimate offspring of a lovelorn couple who end up throwing me on the road or railway track.
- FOR à Providing me with everything that’s best for me. Though not necessarily what I want.
- FOR à Letting me have faith in him.
So that’s my harangue.
I tag Deepak sir, Parasuram , Arun and Deepti.
* Why I was heartbroken. Read this.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Paying Guests
This ones going to be long. So impatient ones stay away. But it’s a mind gripping one too. So I would say read on!
First we look into the back ground settings before plunging into the story.
Back ground setting – I work in a city away from home. And hence stay in a PG. Its the abbreviation for paying guest. Essentially its just a ladies hostel.
I have been undergoing some very acute sleeping disorders. Being catapulted from the night shift to the morning shift, my over strained biological clock doesn’t seem to be working. I am alert as a hawk through out the night. While I am drowsy all day long , sleeping through trainings, meetings, exams ,work and anything that happens in broad daylight.
The day is Monday. Me and my roomie, Lavan have our weekly off. And hence are in our PG .
My motive- not to sleep during the day, so that I can sleep at night. Lavan`s motive- not to let me sleep during the day, so that I don’t crib about not sleeping at night.
I have a value addition in my room. My new roommate. She will be referred to as K from now on. She just shifted into our even otherwise tiny room.
Now for the INCIDENT
K comes running to our room. Takes lavan along with her. I am not invited, neither do I volunteer. I am planning to sleep once Lavan`s out of the room. I am deep in sleep when a visibly shaken Lavan emerges back and wakes me up. Conversation “A girl in the next room is unconscious. She has cut off her hair and its all over the room. Not sure if she has taken anything poisonous. We are taking her to the hospital. You coming? ” I knew that if I tagged along, I can be sure of one thing. I would keep myself awake and hence I grabbed my purse and went out with Lavan to the hospital.
Characters – introducing
GIRL- [will be referred to from now on as the VICTIM]. Is petite and fair . She has indiscriminately cut her hair from both sides. Whats left of it gives me an idea that her tresses should have been her crowning glory. She is staring blankly into nowhere. And is unable to stand straight without external help. I scratch my brain trying to remember if I have seen her before, but with no luck.
VICTIM`S ROOMIE-[will be referred to as T from now on]: Extremely attractive girl. She finds it unfair that she has been thrust into all this trauma, just cause she shared a room with the victim. Its quite evident , she is just a roommate and not a friend. She is still in shock having had a first hand look at the semi conscious girl and her hair flying all over the place.
So currently people taking the victim to the hospital are K, T, Lavan and of course me.
The doc in the emergency ward reassures us that she hasn’t taken poison. That was the nagging worry all of us had. He suggested taking an appointment with the in house psychiatrist,though.
K starts filling me up with details of why the unfortunate victim had to resort to such measures. Straining off all the masala she inadvertenly adds. I figured out her boyfriend has broken up with her. [Boyfriend is going to be referred to as VILLAIN from now on].
Another realization that followed shortly is that , the victim doesn’t have anyone in this alien city , other than the villain BF and his family. And he is not answering his telephone. I didn’t expect anything better anyway.
The victim happens to be from one of the north Eastern states of India. And that to me sounded like far-far away ,so far away from Bangalore. Nevertheless we somehow got hold of her home number and decided to inform her family . What shocks us is that neither her mom or her dad rings us back or responds or even subtly hints that they are sending someone down here. Again K fills me up on some “the-family-has-disowned-her due to blah blah blah ”. Lavan is taken aback by the family`s response. She talks about “how can they!!” it’s their own flesh-blood theory. I nod equally in dismay.
KAHAANI MEIN TWIST
Villain’s [her boyfriend for those people who haven’t been reading whole heartedly ] uncle enter. He narrates some filmy story and tries to put the blame on the girl. I watch enough and more movies and I am not interested in listening , when something unexpected happens. K who has figured out all`s the victims fault, wants to “Take a walk”. I ponder over the grammatical correctness over her phrase. At the same time noting it down in my memory that , if ever I am in deep trouble [God forbid!] I am not dialing K`s number. She gives me and Lavan ideas of how we should lie to get ourselves out of there. [K doesn’t have the link to my blog page and would never read this].
As gullible and naïve as I am the villains uncle seems to me to be the most cunning knaw I have ever met. God sends a bolt of lightening from above, and I put myself in the victims shoes . following which me and Lavan decide to stay . T too stays. K leaves. There was an impending danger of a complaint lodging, police interference and such stuff. But whatever be it I was not ready to leave her with the villains uncle who among all his blabbering kept on saying NIMHANS every now and then. NIMHANS is mental hospital and they wanted to admit her there. [electric shock, wrongly diagnosed as mentally unstable!!]. I decided I was not letting her go with this uncle anyway.
Villain`s MOM enter . I am beyond words to explain the villianity which oozed from her persona. If spotted by Subhash Ghai she would have be swished away to act in every treacherous role written for female kind. Lavan says she looks like Tamil actress Vadivakarasi [Tamil readers you know how she looks. The rest please Google it]
Villians mom tries to talk to the victim. She still hasn’t uttered a word and is staring blankly . I cant take my eyes of the mom and am sitting right next to her. And she exclaims “Victim told me she wants to go to NIMHANS”. This when she hasn’t opened her mouth nor uttered a word. I mentally slapped the lady ten times for the ugly statement.
We decided to take her back to our PG. People warn us about the million possibilities. What if she slashes her wrists at night? What if she attempts suicide? What if we get in trouble? I am positive since I don’t sleep at night I will be able to have an eye on her. So trusting my sleeping disorder we decide to take her back . I donno if it was the sternness with which we said we are taking her to the Pg and no where else or just the relief in leaving the trauma area, The villain’s family left.
We met the psychiatrist, who managed to get her talking. She laughed. We reached back , she had her prescribed sedatives and all ends well.
Now for the PSYCHO analysis
I cant help thinking What if I was in her place? [ Chances of me being in her position are close to nil. Reasons I already have short hair so there is no point in cutting it off again. Secondly, I would probably be spit upon by KC and Lavan before thinking of doing anything stupid for any guy. Thirdly, cause I am luckily single]. But yet, what if I am? How many of my innumerable friends would stand by me? Not fearing the police complaints, overlooking the fact that the fault could be mine. How many would not let a semi conscious me into the hands of untrustworthy people?
Lessons learnt:
Never make your significant other the center of your universe. Significant others come and go. Family and friends are for life. [reiteration from last blog].
I thank God for not making me run away from the place. For making us stay and make all the right decisions.
And by the way, I slept peacefully at night. I seem to have got my biological clock back on track.
P.S: My friend asked me not to blog about this. Sorry I couldn’t help.
And the stress relievers were, Lavan in her fury had come to the hospital wearing her blue colored bathroom slippers. It cracked me up every time I glanced at her feet. And I can SMS even in the most adverse circumstance and for me it’s a stress reliever.
As much as it seems an impersonal account. I was totally rattled by the incident. Ask some unfortunate people who had to listen to my quivering voice at the time.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
MadeMyTrip.com
I stumbled upon a song in my friend’s ipod while I was in Chennai. Come undone by Duran Duran . I wondered how I had forgotten to add this song to my list of favorites in imeem. Maybe it never was my favorite song . It could just be that listening to it after a long time I found it familiar. And familiarity is often mistaken as fondness. One way or the other I added it to my imeem play list.
I have just returned back from a trip to Chennai. It’s notorious for its unwelcoming climate. But I am fond of this metro. Is it cause of the familiarity? I am not sure . To know more about the positives and negatives of this capital city you may visit here. For me Chennai summed up in a line is- The city where my best friend works. She has a constant complaint that I refer to all my close friends as best friend in this page. So I take this opportunity to rephrase. Best friend is a singular noun and cannot be used to refer to all close friends. After realizing that we still complete each others sentences even after a gap of two years, I decided to rethink the entire idea of what a soul mate means. And I reached the conclusion that soul mate needn’t be your life partner, or the person you are in love with. In fact it needn’t even be a person of the opposite gender at all. [I am taking into consideration only the Utopian society where everyone is straight]. Your soul mate could as well be one of your friends. My redefined definition of a soul mate is someone who understands even the most unacceptable emotion of yours. And tells you it’s just human to feel so.
Talking of soul mates, one of my friends recently fell in love. Or I presume. And the inevitable happened. The obvious reduction in the number of phone calls made to the rest of the world, the inability to enjoy anything in the absence of the dear one, and the prolonged silences before agreeing to the “gang’s” movie or dinner plans. When his prolonged silences started turning into lame excuses I figured out that I have almost lost a friend. Seeing him struggle to maintain his undying love for his sweetheart and his comradeship with me I decided to back down [Understanding friend that I am]. I personally believe in the principle that girlfriends and boyfriends come and go but friendship is for life [Courtesy Phoebe F.R.I.E.N.D.S]. My friend never seemed to get this idea though.
And now for the incident that made my trip. One of my college mates gave me a card which said ‘Friend, you are even better than what I thought’. We never had very pleasant experiences with each other in the past. So the card was unexpected. Made me realize that in spite of me being yacky yack talkative, dumb, and having a nonsensical sense of humor I still am acceptable as a human being . And that felt good. Circumstance can make a person act out of the ordinary. And such circumstances needn’t reflect who we really are.
By the way I colored my hair. After a lot of thinking I had pointed out a color from the list the hairdresser showed me. I did find a brownish tinge in the parlor with all the glaring light. But once my friends examined it in a crowded autorickshaw [with their mobile lights concentrated on my hair] they concluded its blacker than ever before. Sigh! But there is reason to smile. My Chennai friends loved my mobile wallpaper, unlike my unsupportive office mates.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I wanna sleep - Part II
I have developed a recent liking for short blogs , very short blogs. As bored as everyone is to read about my sleeplessness. It still continues and sleep deprivation prevails as a character actor in my life. My roomie just now gtalked me the following info [which I could have stayed without knowing] A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks. I DON’T WANNA DIE!! I have not even been in love...
I had gone home to my family last week. The journey includes a to and fro air trip. A gorgeous parda clad malayalee muslim girl caught my eye in the airport. She was talking indiscreetly to her co passenger who I assume to be her husband. I was standing right behind her and she being sure I didn’t understand Malayalam continued . She was an absolute beauty, and her parda enhanced it. An airhostess walked by and her husband commented how attractive the airhostess looked, for which she replied “Not as much as me”. There was something very haunting about her confidence and charm.
I donno what I found haunting . Her striking similarity with me* or the glaring difference.
* A much needed clarification: When I said striking similarity it NEVER meant looks-wise. I dont look anything remotely like her. Its the religion and language I was talking about. I elaborate here..
I was in hyderabad airport flying to bangalore, finding someone who speaks in Malayalam was a surprise in itself . She happened to be a Muslim too. Thats the similarity, so all those people who thought I was Gorgeous I am sorry.
Friday, June 15, 2007
:-( Sob!
I have always been intrigued by the entire concept of shedding tears [Crying!! In general lingo]. What triggers those glands which are hidden somewhere behind our vision. [I donno where the tear glands are located exactly I am assuming it’s behind].
There is this particular Malayalam movie; I burst out crying every time I watch [Ente Veedu Apponteyum for my mallu readers information]. I am not among those people who carry a hankie for every other tear jerker movie. But some particular feeling in the movie breaks me down. The interesting part being that in spite of having the fear of the mascara* getting smeared over and me looking ugly, I never miss a chance to watch it. And the movie remains one of my all time favorites. So I figured out maybe I enjoy crying.
Things were pretty different when I was younger. As a kid I made sure I never shed a tear in public [ By kid I mean when I was in school, I would/should have cried when I was a new born]. I remember once my headmistress asked me to meet her in her office [SCARY!!] for not wishing her in the hallway of the school. With my superb academic performance and the lineage the Ullas family had created [Thanks to my brother and his consistent top scores] there wasn’t much she could do, other than say some indirect statements to hurt me. Most of them were hinted at my supposed arrogance. [ I was just a ten year old kid shy to say Good Morning]. I don’t remember how I felt when she scolded me. But before she let me go she said “Not a single tear in your eye. Shows how you don’t repent what you did and shows your arrogance.”
Maybe it is this particular incident that triggered the concept in me that crying is a good thing. Or it might as well be the plain old reason, MEN!! Whatever it be, my eyes started welling up pretty fast from the time I turned thirteen.
In my present life scenario I have categorized crying to be of three degrees
1) Bursting out crying. Wailing. You have no control over it. It just explodes. Pretty ugly sight. Either make sure you are inside the rest room or just lock the door of which ever room you happen to get yourself into.
2) Tears flowing down your cheek. I personally feel I look pretty when this happens. My eyes are glazed and I even managed to look into the mirror once . Couldn’t take a picture as my camera was being used as a tear jerker mobile at that point in time
3) The times where you would have managed without wasting the water resource, until a well wisher pats your shoulder and asks if you are alright. And the water works begin. This usually will happen in a public arena. So just bend down and cover your face. You should be fine within five minutes, but you would have made a total ass of yourself by then.
Now into the second level of analysis what makes us cry? I dono about the entire world, I will talk about what makes the most familiar person to me cry. And that would be me.
[I feel like I am writing down the advantages of RAID 0/1 over RAID 1/0. Studying does affect the human psyche, especially when done once in two years]
Burst out crying with examples:
1) When the parent of a hospitalised friend of mine, indirectly expressed his dislike in me frequently visiting. I walked out of the room ,ran downstairs, rang up my roomie and cried all the way back home. People on the hospital premises were definite, my other half has been diagnosed with AIDS a few minutes back. Underlying emotion- INSULT.
2) When after a sparkling performance in the GD (Group discussion) and Tech round. Being rejected in the Polaris HR round for having said the word gullible (that’s the reason my classmates figured out). Cried out loud to my brother in Chennai who realized at that moment that he has a career crazy sister. Underlying emotion: INSULT again. Also the feeling that I may never get a job in my life. [I got through to my present company the very next day with God’s Grace]
Tears flowing down with examples
1) Every time anyone who has hurt me apologizes. Especially when they are late apologies [way after I am over the pain]. The effect is quadrupled if the person apologizing happens to be in a drunken stupor. Underlying emotion: SELF-PITY
2) When my best friend got transferred to Bangalore while I was still in Chennai. The thought that I won’t be able to steal his orange juice in the morning filled my eyes continuously for four days. I was relocated to the same project and place after four days. Underlying emotion:DONNO.
Cry following the pat on the shoulder with examples
1) Total mushy stuff. I dare not include.
After all this research there is something that i havent been able to analyze yet. The big macho men shedding tears. I have seen only two men cry in the long twenty four years of my life[Yes, I am 24]. I particularly remember not enjoying the sight . Thankfully both were close family members that their apparent ugliness didn’t offend me much. In spite of totally believing in the equality of sexes, I still can’t accept a man crying. Why is it so?
When is the last time you cried?
*mascara- I dont wear make-up. Couldnt find anything else to create the effect.
Monday, June 11, 2007
I wanna sleep-Part I
You never realize the importance of sleep until you are deprived of it. I am presently in my office doing a night shift. Not having slept for about 48 hours. I will do anything to get a bed, to run to my room, for my pillow. I will murder , steal do anything. Wish I was a six foot two inch guy who could go back home at three in the night . Sleep deprivation is considered equal to having a certain concentration of alchohol in your blood. So I am literally on a high now. Anyone who wants to know who my latest crush is, mail me in an hour . I will reply the plain truth. And then you have orkut to research on him.
As if anyone bothers!!
P.S: Took off the email id , as the 2 hrs got over long back and no prizes for late entries.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Win/Lose
My mom tells me that as a kid I used to stay put at the doll section, till my dad bought me one of the Barbies . I remember sitting down on the carpeted floor of the mall, saying I wanted a soft doll which was the” in” thing then. Also my dad had to get me a make-believe kitchen set cause Haseena (my then-bestfriend) had one which she showed off. Explains I was thoroughly spoilt. It usually didn’t require much effort to get this part done. My dad gave in pretty fast . No crying, coaxing nothing. I don’t think I grew up to become a self centered selfish female(or am I?) , So I tend to always feel there is nothing wrong in being bought up the way I have been, till recently. I earn enough to get hold of the toys which fancy me today like a flashy mobile or an Ipod. But the most desirable of all things, is still out of my reach. Winning someone’s heart. It could be -your roommates so that she lets you snore at night without throwing you out , your iron Wala’s so that he decreases a fifty paisa for each dress he presses, your cab driver’s so that he is ready to wait for you when you have overslept, your Technical Lead’s so that he sends you for the recruitment next time in the King Fisher flight(yes I am obsessed with flights ). I have been pretty bad in winning people’s hearts (especially my Technical Lead’s) that I was wondering if I could just ask my dad to get it for me.
People tell me we never make friends in the corporate world. You just meet people, be with them and move on. Life goes on. Is it that simple, always? If the colleague who plans to move on to greener pastures also happens to be one of your closest friends. If you have spend every waking moment with them. If you are ready to wait two extra hours hungry just to enjoy dinner together. If you have watched every other movie sitting besides them and dozing off on each others shoulder. If you have plunged into everything happy, watery, sad or muddy together. If they understand what you feel just by a silent nod or an unhappy murmur. Will you still find it simple? Does life just go on in the absence of such people?
This one`s for you Patil and Raji. I am gonna miss you guys a lot.
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